


Those Who Matter Don’t Mind

by akissontitan



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Friends With Benefits, Gender Issues, Nonbinary Character, Other, Trans Character, Trans Male Character
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-12-17
Updated: 2013-12-17
Packaged: 2018-01-04 23:07:50
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,298
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1086752
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/akissontitan/pseuds/akissontitan
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>“I don’t want my friends to hate me for it, Armin.”</p><p>Armin made a tutting sound and drew him close, arms wrapped around his head and face buried in his hair.</p><p>“No one will. And if they do, they were never your friends to begin with.”</p><p>((In which Connie gets hit with a Gender Issues 2x Combo, poor kiddo.))</p>
            </blockquote>





	Those Who Matter Don’t Mind

**Author's Note:**

> Gender stuff must have been hard to figure out before the internet :cc also WOW guess who decided to give up the game and attempt to write in past tense and with dialogue. Yeah dogg. Slight canon divergence because I’m writing Connie with hair, you’ll see why okay I swear I know what I’m doing.

Sneaking to places other than one’s assigned bed during the night was not necessarily frowned upon, even though that was probably because Shadis hadn’t figured out that it was a thing some of them did yet. Connie found little reassurance in the thought as he quietly descended the ladder of his bunk bed, tip-toed his way across the dorm floor to the other side, and knelt down beside Armin, identifiable only by his mop of blonde hair illuminated by the moonlight.

Connie shook the other boy gently by the shoulder, and was glad when Armin blearily blinked his eyes open after only a few seconds.

“Connie...? What’s up?” Armin didn’t sound mad, which took a small amount of weight off Connie’s shoulders, although his stomach still felt constricted with a weird kind of nervous feeling that he only recognised having felt once before.

“Hey, um. Can I talk to you about some stuff?” Connie whispered back, hyperaware of all the other cadets, his friends, sleeping only a few meters from him. Normally he spoke loud and quick, like laughter was constantly bubbling in his throat, but tonight he could barely keep tears from welling in the corners of his eyes. He didn’t like his friends seeing him sad. He was there to make them smile, a lot of them kind of depended on him for it – the idea of crawling dejectedly into one of his closest friend’s bed and attempting to open up only made him want to cry more, somehow. Like Armin would find him disappointing.

But when the other boy nodded and shuffled over to make a space on the bed, Connie did just that.

He hadn’t planned on cuddling up to Armin or anything, but as he was greeted by the warmth of the bed and his friend’s face next to his, he couldn’t help but wrap an arm around Armin’s waist and draw him a little closer. The contact satisfied something inside him, settled his stomach by just a little margin. When he brought his lips to Armin’s and they kissed, chaste little wet pecks as their mouths fumbled for purchase in the dark, Connie found it a little bit easier to smile again.

Through the darkness Connie watched as Armin’s brow furrowed, despite the small, confused smirk playing on his lips.

“Couldn’t that have waited until morning?”

“S’not why I’m here, actually,” Connie replied after another short round of comfort kisses, “I really do wanna talk.”

Armin raised his eyebrows at that, concern plain on his face. “Yeah? What about?”

Connie took a breath and allowed himself to relax his head on Armin’s pillow, voice hushed when he spoke.

“You know ages ago when I told you I didn’t feel like a girl any more?” He did his best to conceal the uncertain waver in his voice, although really knew there was no need to with Armin. 

“Yeah? Why, Shadis isn’t planning on making you move back to the girl’s dorms is he?” Armin brought his hand to the back of Connie’s head and stroked the slightly shaggy hair there slowly. Connie was grateful for it, touches helped him keep a clear mind.

“Nah, Shadis is alright. It’s just that... shit, dude, I dunno if I still feel that way. Like a guy, I mean.” Connie sniffed and averted his eyes, training his gaze on the crinkles of Armin’s blanket although he could still see his friend staring questioningly at him, “I-I just.. s-sometimes I wanna wear dresses ’n stuff, y’know?”

He felt Armin let out a breath and a small, sympathetic sound, and they cuddled a little closer to each other at the same time, Connie taking the opportunity to duck his head so his face was in Armins’s boobs.

“There’s nothing wrong with boys wearing dresses, Connie,” Armin paused to press a kiss to his forehead before continuing, “to be perfectly honest I’d really like to try one on again some day.”

Connie let out a feeble sigh and mumbled into Armin’s chest. “Yeah, but it’s more than that. I know I’m not a girl, but calling myself a guy doesn’t fit me now either.” He huffed, biting his lip to try and hold back tears burning hot in his eyes, “Maybe I’m like a titan or somethin’. Neither one.”

Armin chuckled, the vibrations ringing against Connie’s head.

“You’re not a titan, Connie. I’m sure lots of people are neither gender.”

“You ever met one of ‘em?”

“No. Maybe you’re the first in the whole world. Or maybe lots of people feel the way you do, but don’t know how to decipher it, or something.”

Connie shifted slightly so their eyes could meet, grip around Armin’s waist tightening as he gave a little kiss to the other boy’s collar bone.

“Why do you always have to go and say stuff that makes sense while I’m trying to panic?” 

He kissed his way up Armin’s neck and to his lips, usual confidence somewhat more restored than it was before they began to talk. Slowly he pulled back, fingers drumming a nervous rhythm on Armin’s side.

“What if I end up wanting to change my pronouns again or something? What if I wanna be called ‘she’ sometimes and ‘he’ others? You and Reiner did such a freakin’ good job getting everyone to start seeing me as a guy, won’t everyone just get pissed if I wanna change it up again?” He could hear himself getting kind of loud, so he bit his lip and took a breath before continuing. The last thing he needed was people waking and snooping on their conversation.

“I don’t want my friends to hate me for it, Armin.”

Armin clicked his tongue and drew him close, arms wrapped around his head and face buried in his hair.

“No one will. And if they do, they were never your friends to begin with.”

Armin was the one to lean forward and kiss him this time, lips soft and reassuring, and Connie was happy for his friend to take the lead and let their tongues meet, kiss deepening and causing a different, nicer kind of feeling in his stomach than before.

\--

The very next morning, as the rest of the 104th Trainees Squad awoke with the sun and shambled off to shower and eat, Armin Arlert and Connie Springer sat on the floor of their commander Shadis’ room with a pair of clippers and strict instructions to not make a mess, be late for training, or shave a cock onto the side of Connie’s head, “no matter how much of a dickhead Springer may be”.

When they emerged for drills some twenty minutes later, the only trace left of Connie’s hair was on both of their clothes and itching at the back of Connie’s freshly shaven neck. 

Connie’s reasoning had been that “most boys have short hair, and a lot of girls have long hair, so people who are neither should have none”, and while Armin knew on a fundamental level that that couldn’t possibly have been right, he couldn’t find it in himself to deny his friend’s wish.

The inevitable swarm of teens that came over to assess Connie’s new cut, make a few light jabs, and of course rub their hands all over it, all got pulled aside and given a quick lecture by Armin informing them of the situation. It took less than a week for everyone to start referring to Connie using the pronouns ‘they’ and ‘their’.

Armin lamented having nothing to grab onto or stroke when they touched each other now, but Connie could tell he really didn’t mind. They were happy when the wind hit their bare scalp, happy to have friends that respected them and loved them so dearly, happy to be Neither.


End file.
